No Second Chances

Ever since I’ve had my little one, my anxiety is ridiculous and I think the worst part is my social anxiety. I fought going back to work, not just because I didn’t want to leave my son but also because I had to socialize. I’ve lost all want to make friends and to be honest, I’d rather be at home with my son than go socialize with the two friends I have. My other half and I got into, I wouldn’t say an argument, more like a debate, the other night because he wants to find a baby sitter and us go camping with HIS friends and their girlfriends. I like camping, okay. I’m not a typical girl. Give me a tent, a bonfire and a beer and I’m good to go for a few nights. Obviously, that isn’t why I made up every excuse in the book to not go. I finally came out and told him, I don’t want to go camping with his friends. He and his friends always walk off and leave me with the girls and the girls always have their own conversation and leave me out. I have no connection with these girls. I’m not in college at the moment because I put it off for a while to take care of my newborn. I’m not a sorority girl and I don’t go down town every weekend or at all for that matter. That is what these girls talk about as I sit there and tend to my child like a 40 year old woman. Actually, I am a 40 year old woman in a 21 year old body. I work and I go home and take care of the baby. That is my life. It’s not filled with nursing clinics, Lilly Pulitzer patterns and formals. It’s full of gross diapers, throw up and going to bed at 8 because I AM EXHAUSTED. So better half says I have to give them a second chance. This go around, we might find some things in common. I don’t know if it’s just me but I’m not a second chance kind of person. If we don’t connect the first go around, I go ahead and write you off. I’m not into putting myself in awkward situations. Is it just me? Am I right on fighting this? We have mutual couple friends… and I put up with some of the girlfriends and wives just so he can hang out with his buddies. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Rant over!

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